一年

我還是剪了右手的指甲。
昨天才有人讚美的。
快樂的時光像那些小小的，碎落的片段，
剪掉，然後重來。

秋天

秋天和夏天的交界總是來的太快，豔陽隔了一個週末就結束了。體力在今年急速下降，原來我也到了懶洋洋的年齡。隔著計程車，下雨天，秋颱也說走就走，和我一樣喪失步行的熱力，聆聽雨聲。還沒到了早慧詩人的能力，文字就湮沒在現實裡了。

Nedko Solakov◎Dust imagine

讀了陳克華的〈在博物館遇見詩——塵的想像〉，提到當代保加利亞的一位知名裝置藝術家兼詩人, 尼可.索拉可夫(Nedko Solakov)，其詩如下：

Nedko Solakov◎Dust imagine

如果我想要重啟我的生命
一隻鸚鵡螺那樣活著
或是一只玩具鴨子，
惑一塊水晶礦石 或一片雪花
或一道陽光的七彩光譜
或是現在你所站立其上的木頭地板
──那會怎樣呢？
一般而言，每個男孩都夢想成為「另一個人」：一位名演員，勇敢的騎士，富有的英雄……
我卻想要成為「另一種事物」──某種我從老教科書上
或從自然歷史博物館的蒐藏
所得知的事物
誰能料的到？──或許
經由這樣的轉換：我能成為一隻鸚鵡螺，
一只玩具鴨，或一片雪花……

可悲的是，我們不是微塵，在這瞬息萬變的世界裡卻一樣迷惘漂浮而且微不足道

Camera Obscura - Hands Up Baby

"I've been hanging round
Everywhere you go in town
Watching you forget me
I want to see you crack
I'm going to get you back
Put your hands up baby"

"You're talking to me like I'm in your debt
You don't remember things I can't forget
Now you don't look so well
Turn that gun back on yourself
And take a load off baby
I've had enough this time
Give me back my boots you swine
It's your fault you hate me"

"I only hate you 'cause I hate myself
It breaks my heart that I can't wish you well
Now I could end this here
Die and take you with me dear
It could be so easy..."

"I don't care what you do
I’ll still be rid of you
Just make your mind up baby"

"I'll turn around I'll walk away from you
If I turn back I'll be the death of you"

dear friend

跟著我五年的數位相機再次壞了
期間我曾經因為瞬息萬變的科技汰換喜新厭舊
每壞一次朋友或者店員總是說：不如買一台新的吧。
而我總是說捨不得，畢竟我沒看起來那樣無情，實際上也沒有那樣堅貞，只有近乎偽善的真誠。
但至少喜新厭舊是真的，捨不得也是真的。
像情人，但已經分手太久了的。

八月

夜晚雲散去了以後，
月亮像在天空微笑。
原本以為會乖乖唸書的
又在圖書館睡了一個晚上。

我太昏沈分不清黑夜還是白天
而一眨眼就是黎明
那些誘人的夢醒的真快
老師說你該練習用字不帶感情
而我一抽就是十根煙
爾後
中醫師把了脈搖搖頭
說
你的脈象實在不好
推拿師父怎在我小腿上拔出了一個腫脹的淤血
那可以把我的焦慮一起拔出來嗎

0823,2009

魚總是吃到了美味的食物才發現自己上了不幸的鉤。

其實已經很久，忘了怎麼對自己說話了。我反覆思量，考究原因，發現還是獨來獨往比較適合自己。每當想起這件事就會想起兩三年前塔羅占卜師「獨行俠」的斷言，然後又想起余光中寫壁虎也用了這個詞兒。
壁虎是履險如夷，我怎麼老是履夷如險？

不騎摩托車了以後，頭髮終於可以擺脫扁塌。壞處是改搭捷運後每到台北車站就要上演大風吹遊戲，而我總是搶不到位置，就像整節車廂多出來的一個東西。究竟是我反應不夠靈敏，還是我潛意識不想坐下？總之無窮考究，但每天的搶位置遊戲總要上演一次。而且我變得非常疲累，非常不耐煩，非常急躁，而且，非常害怕無聊，尤其從捷運站走回家的路途，好漫長，好像永遠走不到盡頭。

今天比較特別的是，今天我對面坐了一個盲人，還有一個賣玩具花的殘障人士。賣玩具花的男人手裡把玩著兩隻小巴西龜，我看著他把四肢緊縮的小烏龜抓起來，對著他的肚子吹氣，十分開心的樣子。我和他四目相交，他很開心的把小烏龜遞給我。我問他：烏龜還會長大嗎？

他顯然不會說話，也聽不到。只給我一個微笑，露出顯得憨厚的缺牙。
我赫然覺得，當我聽不到看不到也無法言語的時候，究竟還剩下什麼？

應該只剩下自己和自己說話吧。



Should never have left the crystal lake

Should never have left the crystal lake
For parties full of folks who flake
Italian leather winter games
Retired by the duraflames

The crystal lake it only laughs
It knows you're just a modern man
It's shining like the chandelier
Shining somewhere far away from here

I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here...

And find my way again
I've lost my way again

Should never have left the crystal lake

Should never have left the crystal lake
For areas where trees are fake
And dogs are dead with broken hearts
Collapsing by the coffee carts

The crystal lake it only laughs
It knows you're just a modern man
It's shining like the chandelier
Shining somewhere far away from here

I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here
I've gotta get outta here...

And find my way again
I've lost my way again

晃

不適合說話的下雨天，從吉林路走過長長的忠孝東路。
不騎車之後皮膚白了，卻有點懷念深夜激昂的情緒。

幸好還有九重葛，年年熱情

春日遲遲

我跟貓都嗜睡。
春天，雨天跟黑眼圈。

失眠與昏睡
惡性循環

咖啡與腸胃藥
惡性循環

情人與憂愁
惡性循環

young@heart Schizophrenia

that's my favorite song in the movie




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz_bCyirfn8&feature=related
I went away to see an old friend of mine
His sister came over she was out of her mind
She said jesus had a twin who knew nothing about sin
She was laughing like crazy at the trouble Im in
Her light eyes were dancing she is insane
Her brother says shes just a bitch with a golden chain
She keeps coming closer saying I can feel it in my bones
Schizophrenia is taking me home

My future is static
Its already had it
I could tuck you in
And we can talk about it
I had a dream
And it split the scene
But I got a hunch
Its coming back to me

情人節禮物

自己送自己的
生日與情人

其實今天很適合下雨

木吉他
抽捲煙
灰天空

除了襪子被浸溼
下雨很好。

今年的薔薇又開了
不知不覺
很快開了很快謝
但雨卻沒來

線條

他用幾條線
把你鎖住

從前你懊惱沒有線條
從前你懊惱他不懂
現在你懊惱太多線條
現在你懊惱他懂得太多

兩個極端來回擺盪
阻礙天空
防止掉落

絕望之為虛妄，正與希望相同

她畫了幾張素描
寫了一些詞一些小說一些論文一些戀愛
但都不成篇

2009/1/6

你終於了解割捨是什麼
因為要瘦所以得割捨食物
因為要趕最後一班捷運所以不能留戀
再美的街景再美的人情
這件事情知道很容易
但要了解卻很難

飛雪

夜無聲
夢裡的我也無聲

但窗外沒有飛雪
我多希望有
一兩片也好

HAPPY NEW YEAR

該忘記的就不要再留戀

Working the village shop
Putting a poster up
Dreaming of anything
Dreaming of the time when you are free from all the trouble youre in

In the mud, on your knees
Trying hard not to please
Anyone, all the time
Being a rebels fine
But you go all the way to being brutal

You will have a boy tonight
You will have a boy tonight
On the first bus out of town
On the first bus out of town

Lets see your kit for games
All the girls look the same
You are challenging style for running miles
Youre running miles in some boys jumper

Boo to the business world!
You know a girl whos tax free on her back and making
Plenty cash
While you are working for the joy of giving

You will have a boy tonight
You will have a boy tonight
And you hope that she will see
And you hope that she will see

You will have a boy tonight
Or maybe you will have a girl tonight
And you hope that she will see
And you hope that she will see

You are in two minds
Tossing a coin to decide whether you should tell your mum
About a dose of thrush you got while you were licking railings

But you read in a book
That you got free in boots
There are lotions, there are potions
You can take to hide your shame from all those prying eyes

Lazy jane, all the time
Painting lines
You are sleeping at bus stops
Wondering how you got your name
And what youre going to do about it

You will have a boy tonight
You will have a boy tonight
And you hope that she will see
And you hope that she will see